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Before we get to this week’s mailbag, a couple hyperlinks for housekeeping/whoring:
- Watch this week’s War Room show.
- And this week’s Keepers.
- Email us if you have a question for the mailbag.
I think that’s about it. Good luck in your fantasy playoffs, and good luck during the holidays, especially if you’re meeting prospective in-laws for the first time. Let’s go:
Dear Captain,
Congratulations on the birth of your kid. How are you going to handle her fandom? Will you push her in any particular direction? Will you warn her about the Jets? Will you just let it happen on its own? As a non-procreator I was just curious if everyone was as lame as Simmons in this regard.
I kind of wrote about this at the beginning of the season over at SB Nation; that piece is thick with fear and hand-wringing and, ultimately, uncertainty about if or how I’ll try to influence her sports fandom.
And this answer is a cop-out, but: I still don’t know. There’s still so much I’m learning (and struggling with) that any notion of her as a sports fan is impossibly distant. Like, I can’t envision a future beyond her sleeping through the night right now. That’s as far ahead as I’m thinking. But I’d like to think that I’m going to encourage her in her interests and help develop them into a passion, whatever those interests turn out to be. Unless she tries to cheer for the Steelers.
FF: I’m fairly new to FF and totally new to a keeper league. We have to select our keepers by the end of the FF season (before the NFL playoffs). With his injury history and the unknown of what will happen to him in January football or may orgies, is Gronk worth a 1st round pick?
Before the season I would have said no. But he’s managed to stay healthy all year (knock on wood), and he’s still only 25. I’d say he’s worth a first-rounder if you’re drafting after the 8th spot overall.
Sex/relationships: I’m with a pretty amazing lady. She’s talented and smart and way way way way too hot to be with me. The sex is excellent although marginally less frequent than I’d like. My biggest problem both in this and several prior relationships is kind of a reverse grass is greener mentality that infects my brain. I can never seem to get over previous girlfriends.
As soon as the shine wears off of a new partner, I begin to practically obsess about the person I was with before. It doesn’t matter if I broke up with them, or how much I know we were a shitty match. I always seem to be looking back and wanting what I had despite what I have being better. It can get to the point of obsession. After 18 months with my girlfriend, I’m having trouble sleeping due to thinking about my ex, a person who I wanted nothing to do with by the time we broke up. And when I was with that ex, I obsessed about the girl before her and so on.
I know this is a lame problem, I can just picture Travis Kelce’s reaction to reading it. But I was wondering if this is common and if there’s any way to move past it? Is it indicative of something? Basically, what the fuck is wrong with my brain?
- Another of Sio Moore’s punk ass bitches.
You’re familiar with BuzzFeed, yes? Then you’ve seen their carefully crafted listicles targeted at your nostalgia: The Best Moments From “Saved By the Bell”! Ridiculous Things About Blockbuster Video That Sound Crazy Today! Fashion Trends of the ’90s on Today’s Stars! None of it’s like, “Remember how slow dial-up internet was?” “Wasn’t regular-definition TV complete bullshit?” “Holy shit, ‘Saved By the Bell’ was fucking terrible!” All of that would make more sense, but it wouldn’t appeal to our brains’ tendency to remember things as better than they were.
If I had to hypothesize what was going on with you (DISCLAIMER: I have never so much as taken an introductory psychology course), I would guess you’re experiencing the combination of two effects. The first is positivity bias, the mind’s tendency to favor positive memories while ignoring negative ones. (There’s also something called the “reminiscence bump,” where we remember late adolescence and young adulthood better than any period of our lives — and are therefore likely to remember the people we loved then even more fondly). Your brain’s like, “17 Times Tracy Blew Your Mind With Toe-Curling Orgasms!” instead of like, “Yo, Tracy was a controlling bitch.” So that much is natural, at least up to the point where you’re losing sleep over it.
The second factor — and again, this is Unqualified Blogger just spitballin’ — is the malaise that often accompanies a year or 18 months of monogamy. Your asshole lizard-brain is bored with the same fantastic sexy woman and would rather have you spreading your seed around. So what do you think about? The last person you saw naked BEFORE the person you’re now dating.
So! While you losing sleep over this is problematic, I do think that you’re in relatively normal territory. Please note that “normal” does not mean “everything’s fine in your relationship.” You may be looking for ways out of your relationship because you’re not in love. You may be struggling with the need to grow the fuck up and make a commitment to someone you love. Or you may just need to see a mental health professional. Trust me, talking to a good therapist helps. I recommend it.
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Hey Cap,
Fantasy first. I was all set to come off my bye week and start rolling but now Andre Ellington is out for the year. I now have to decide between the following guys for my WR2 and Flex spot (RB is covered by L Bell and Foster): ODB, Alshon Jeffery, Jonathan Stewart, and Sammy Watkins. I’m leaning Jeffery and Stewart.
So here’s a fun fact: in the entire history of the NFL, the only team that’s given up a worse passer rating to quarterbacks than this year’s Redskins is the ’08 Lions. As in, the team that went 0-16. The Redskins play the Giants at MetLife this weekend. Eli is going to complete many passes to Odell Beckham Jr, and you should start him.
With Watkins disappearing into his rookie wall/nagging injury, that leaves Jeffery or Stewart for your flex. Stewart’s a tempting play against the Bucs, but I’ll take Jeffery, who’s going to get a TON of targets now that Brandon Marshall’s been shelved for the year.
Then I’ve got a problem at TE which has been a garbage pile for me since I traded away Greg Olsen for Jeffery. I currently have Kelce and Jordan Reed on the roster and can pick up Jared Cook or Mychal Rivera. I don’t care if I get 4 or 8 points out of the position, I need to know which one has the biggest chance for a 15-20 point game.
The ‘Skins dysfunction at QB has me leaning away from Reed. Cook had a great week last week, but won’t duplicate it against a speedy Cards D. That leaves the Raiders-Chiefs matchup: Rivera or Kelce.
Rivera’s an odd case: he had a phenomenal three-week stretch against Cleveland, Seattle, and Denver, then disappeared for a month before accruing 109 yards and a TD against the 49ers. Kelce’s the better player, and it’s reflected in his superior yardage and catch percentage this year. He also has a more favorable matchup — the Chiefs are tough against TEs (10th fewest fantasy points to them), while the Raiders are middling (16th). Or look at it this way: in the teams’ first matchup, Rivera caught 1 of 4 targets for 8 yards. Kelce caught 4 of 5 for 67.
Kelce may be underutilized in KC’s offense, but I think he presents the highest floor AND the highest ceiling of your options.
Other stuff. This is more of a personal question for you but i’m interested in hearing about your experience. What was it like starting to do on-camera work? You were a writer, and all of a sudden you and your face are out there for all the world to see. I would love to hear about what that has been like for you.
Thanks,
Goodell did nothing wrong
A big part of me thought it was going to be for just a year. I’d been writing on my couch for six years, and SB Nation had a one-year deal with YouTube. I thought, “Hey, I should break out of my introverted ass out of its comfort zone and diversify my skill set!” Worst case scenario: the YouTube thing goes down in flames, and I go back to writing full-time with a reel and a better résumé.
And I was REALLY bad to start. Like, even if you go back and watch my first videos, that was after two or three months of practice. I felt uncomfortable with a camera in my face, I didn’t like getting direction, I didn’t know what to do with my hands. (That’s not to say that I’m necessarily GOOD now, but I’m at least recognizably me.)
Early on in the gig, I had to take my self-consciousness — one of the most valuable traits you can have as an online writer — and chuck it out the window. Once I realized that I couldn’t afford to worry about what passersby were thinking about the guy talking into the camera and how stupid he looked — once I recognized the camera was the only audience I should care about — I loosened up a bit. It’s still not the most natural thing, but I take a lot of pride in what I do, and I have fun doing it. It’s good work.
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Hi Mr. Caveman,
FOOTBALL: A.J. Green’s last three games against Joe Haden have been miserable. In a standard scoring league, would it be crazy to sit him? I start two RB’s, two WR’s, and a Flex.
RB: Jamaal Charles, Rashad Jennings, Latavius Murray, Denard Robinson
WR: Antonio Brown, A.J. Green, Emmanuel Sanders, Larry Fitzgerald
My gut says it’s unthinkable to sit A.J. Green, but my eyes can’t help but notice Andy Dalton’s line against the Browns in Week 10: 10-for-33, 86 yards, 0 TDs, 3 INTs.
I like Charles and Murray as starting RBs, and Brown and Sanders at WR. Denard’s on IR for the rest of the season; Fitty’s hampered by an MCL sprain. That leaves Green versus Rashad Jennings at flex. The Redskins are oddly competent at defending against RBs, and Andre Williams shined in Jennings’ semi-absence last week. So while I’d love to back Jennings, I think I’d choose Green at flex simply for the talent and upside.
SEX: I abstain by choice during the fantasy season to keep a clear head. I reluctantly abstain the rest of the year.
With respect and gratitude,
Haden this Decision
Awww dang :(
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O’ CAPT MY CAPT (O-3 type),
This is a military reference, in case you unkempt civilians are wondering.
Football first…I’m in playoffs in both of my leagues and need some help in each. First, need one flex (two if Julio Jones is out) from S Watkins vs. GB, is questionable right now after a big week last week, J Gordon vs. CIN w/JFF slinging the football, or Mike Evans @ CAR. Leaning Gordon with JFF looking around for him most of the day.
A nice problem to have. I agree, Gordon over Evans.
Second, and more difficult choice. I’m in a 2 QB league (I know, I know), and Kaep has been horrible to say the least. My options for #2 QB are stick with Kaep @ SEA, or go with Jake Locker vs. NYJ, or Horse Balls vs. TB if Cam is indeed sitting post-truck wreck. Leaning towards Derek Anderson, thoughts on this pu-pu platter of shit?
Going strictly by matchup, the Jets are the worst of the bunch at defending the pass, but the Titans offense is maybe the worst in the league. You would think that Anderson has enough veteran savvy to complete some passes to Greg Olsen and Kelvin Benjamin against a porous defense. I don’t love it, but the only other option is to start Kaep and hope against hope that the Niners go back to running him out of the pistol. If he can run for 80 or 90 yards and find the end zone just once … I dunno, it just doesn’t seem like a good bet. He’s measurably worse against the Seahawks than he is against any other team, and he’s even worse against them in Seattle.
Sex(or relationships) next…I’m divorced and just hit 40. Been in a downward spiral since the divorce. I did my time in the Navy, got out for grad school and met an incredible girl. Fell hard, dated more than a year, got engaged and was involuntarily recalled to Iraq for the longest 17 months of my life.
Brutal.
Even worse, I’m an aviator and ended up on the ground with the most inept Army Reserve unit to ever be deployed to a war zone.
That’s not a combat tour; that’s a particularly creative circle of hell.
All I thought about for 17 months was staying alive and getting back to her and my life. Honeymoon phase ensued upon returning, upon getting married, and upon relocating because she wasn’t happy in a cold city. Then real life started and it didn’t go well at all. She left (with BOTH dogs)
Oh FUCK that.
within a year after trying two different marriage counselors. In the two years since we divorced, I’ve moved three times including across the country trying to find some equilibrium. I’ve been angry, depressed and made some incredibly poor choices with no regard for my safety. Sought out professional help from a couple of different counselors but really the only thing that kept me from killing myself or doing something even worse was getting a puppy and I didn’t want to abandon him in this world with no one to care for him. Seriously, if you are depressed NOTHING helps like a dog can.
I’ve made some progress in my new city but it is still incredibly hard once the newness of a place wears off and I have to get down to living solo every single day. I don’t think about killing myself everyday anymore. As a 40 y/o divorced guy in a new place, how do I find that ‘third place’ outside of home and work? How do I find people to connect with?
I’m at a disadvantage because I remember the camaraderie of the squadron and the other 40 junior officers in my squadron who routinely put our trust and lives in the hands of each other on deployments. As men get older, they seem to have less and less friends as time goes on. How do I get past comparing every girl I meet to my ex? When does the anger subside? I run 5-6 days a week and have tried group runs with limited success. I’ve met plenty of girls online and have yet to find someone who matches my ex. Sure, there was a lot about our relationship I’m blocking out that was bad but I remember the good parts too. My faith in professional counselors isn’t great based on what the VA has offered so far. Sorry for the length of this. Just looking for some advice from someone who is close to my peep group.
- LCDR (O-4 type)
Wow. So, okay. There’s a lot to unpack here, but let’s try to look at the issues at play:
- Adjusting to life in a new city / making new friends at 40.
- Separation from the military / maybe some PTSD.
- Getting over your ex.
All of these things are intertwined, and I think if you can solve one of these problems, the other two will begin to dissipate.
Forty’s a tough age to start over. Much of your peer group is married with kids, and those breeders tend to hang out with others like them. You could hang out with younger people, but being a veteran makes young people even MORE annoying than they already are. (I moved to New York at 26 after getting out of the Corps, and I could barely tolerate people my own age.)
You’re in a tough spot, and all I can tell you is this: embrace your life. It is a gift. You survived 17 months in a barren shithole surrounded by idiots and people who wanted you dead. You came home to the love of your life and she left with the dogs. This next part is important: that didn’t kill you. You’re still here! Alive! You can breathe and run and fuck and get drunk and play with dogs! Even alone, even heartbroken, the worst day alive beats the shit out of death.
I don’t know where your new friends will come from. Talk to people at the dog park. Volunteer your time — the dog shelter, the soup kitchen, a tutoring center. Try The Mission Continues or Team RWB. Those are veteran-run organizations that do a pretty good job of connecting vets to each other and to the community. As you adjust to civilian life, you’ll find that one thing doesn’t change over the years: there is no substitute for talking to other vets. You NEED to connect to other people who’ve been there, who know the fear and boredom, the smell of battle, all that shit.
I’m not qualified to diagnose PTSD. I don’t know if I have it or not, and I can’t speak for you, but there’s something that’s not quite right with my head. Anger and stress build up over time, and over tiny things. I get this kind of mental restlessness over living softly — not just the flab on my belly, but the constant safety of civilian life. No shooting, no IEDs, nothing that places me at the edge of death. It builds up over time and feels like something that needs to be excised, a boil to be lanced.
And for me, relief only comes in two ways. The first is writing (the paragraph above is as much for me as it it is for you). And the other is spending time with other people who’ve served. Connect with a veterans community; I promise it will help.
That still leaves the issue of your ex. I haven’t been divorced, but I *do* know what it’s like to hold on to a relationship in a combat zone. It’s your thread to the real world, the memory of a normal life, and the promise that you’ll return to it. I survived a war thanks to a girlfriend’s letters. I was certain I’d marry her, but when I came back, it fell apart, and immediately. I still don’t even know why, really.
We know how the story ends: I got over her, lived a normal life, and ended up marrying someone who’s a much better match for me. And the same will happen for you. You’ll get over your ex, but you have to LET yourself get over her. You can’t compare the women you date now to her, because they’re NOT her. They’re not going to be her, and you shouldn’t want them to be. That woman TOOK YOUR DOGS, man! You don’t want anyone who would do that.
It’s gonna take time before. But guess what? You’ve got time.